Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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