why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
