dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
