turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
