I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
