Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
