I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
