Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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