I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Randomize
