We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
We're using joints as your birthday candles
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
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