Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize