Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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