People in love make me want to vomit
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Randomize