I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize