Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
