AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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