your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize