He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
