I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
