So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
