Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
