Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
