they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
