Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
