i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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