i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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