my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
