jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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