Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
