I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
