Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
