i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
