Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Randomize
