i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
