Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
