Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
