so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
