You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Randomize
