In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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