Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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