i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
