Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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