My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
