I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
We named our party play list daddy issues
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
