remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
