she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Randomize
