In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
