My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
