sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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