I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize