fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
