Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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