i already hear my dad disowning me
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
