I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize