when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
You were trust falling into bushes
I love you. Go after that dick
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Text me some of your sweat
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
