I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
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