She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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