Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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