omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
