Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
