absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
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