i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
