she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
