She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
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