Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
