I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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