i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
