DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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