Joe is yelling at the trees again.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
