mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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