i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
