I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
