I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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